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melissamatilda
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Name: Melissa
Interests: good books. JRR Tolkien. Dorothy Sayers. Douglas Adams. Bing Crosby. Dick Van Dyke. Japan. MKs. musicals. swing. math. ping pong. board games. tall buildings. trains. airplanes. dark chocolate. short grain rice.
Occupation: Math Teacher
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/5/2004
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| first of all, i'm officially going to china! hopefully i will be going on july 24, and i will teach math at an international school there for the next 2 years. i will teach 6-11 grade math (the school doesn't have 12th grade yet), so i will be the only math teacher at the school, but there are only about 20 students from 6-11 grade. it will be a very interesting challenge! but i'm looking forward to it.
this is most of a song i first heard when i was a senior in high school (see below). it's kind of cheesy that it's emotional for me to listen to it now and think about that i am going to china. even in high school i used to tell people that i thought i wanted to teach at an international school someday. math, teaching math, teaching math overseas, and working with TCKs--all of these are things that i've thought about and dreamed about for years. it's been amazing to look back and see how i got to tutor so many people in math over the years, which prepared me for my first real year of teaching math this year, which went amazingly well and i loved it. how i ended up teaching at the school that i did, the students that i had, how my credential is going to be finished *this week* when i thought i would be working on it for several more months, how i got paid while student teaching...all of this is amazing to look back on and see how God has taken care of me. i'm so excited for the last part of this dream!
"before a seed became a flower there was a vision
the dream is planted deep he'll shower it with wisdom
flowing with the love that's making you smile
you've waited and you've prayed you've dreamed your whole life
your soul begins to fly
there's a dream in your heart
and his heart is your prayer
you can move mountains with your life in his hands
he'll tear down walls and he'll walk where you can't
have faith in the power to believe
he's given you a dream
i pray your dream will leap beyond your expectation
you will see miracles
he has no limitation
listen to to his voice a spark will ignite
let him be the strength to carry your life
he'll raise your spirit high
every little hope you're holding inside
every little gleam you keep in your eye
you've waited and you've prayed you've dreamed your whole life
your soul begins to fly"
[you can listen to the song here, but i'd recommend just listening and not watching the not-very-well-made video as it's mostly just distracting.]
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| just got home from my school's graduation party. those kids are crazy and i'm going to miss them so much. my room is a disaster, i need to do the dishes and laundry, and there is no food in the house. but i finished grades this afternoon. it's been the weirdest last few days. on tuesday i taught my last algebra II class. then i went to the airport. they made me throw away my toothpaste because it was in too big of a container, even though there was still less than 3 oz. the plane left an hour late. i got to phoenix, ran to the gate for my connecting flight, got there, saw the plane sitting there, but the doors were closed and i wasn't allowed to get on. i spent 8 hours in the phoenix airport ("america's friendliest airport" by the way) editing my 40+ page paper (the LAST one) for my credential, using the free internet, and eating free food that US airways bought me because they made me miss my flight. i took a flight to atlanta that got there at 6 in the morning (i got a liiiitle sleep). then i went to the hotel for 3 hours, slept and took a shower. then i did the assessment that i went to atlanta for, had lunch with the HR people, did the rest of the assessment, went back to the atlanta airport, flew back to phoenix, then back to santa barbara, and then drove home and was there by 11 PM. that was the end of wednesday. on thursday i was at school by 7:45. i brought extra desks into my classroom, gave all my finals to all my students together, saw the students' fine arts presentations, was in a skit with other teachers where i played the role of one of the seniors, signed yearbooks, went home and printed the 48+ page paper, drove to ventura, turned in the paper and went to class, drove back home, graded finals until i was falling asleep (thanks to mike and gwenna for grading some of the precalculus homework for me!!!), got up (now we're on friday), went to the doctor to have a physical and have an official form filled out that i need to be able to get a visa to go to china, came home, graded the rest of the finals, submitted grades, ate lunch, drove to graduation, gave two speeches about two different students (eek!), talked to a gazillion people, was blessed by several parents telling me how i was an encouragement to their child, went to a graduation party where many of the students and faculty were, and then came home when i was exhausted. tomorrow i get to sleep in!!! and maybe go to the grocery store too. then within a week i need to finish all the technology assignments for my credential, get CPR certified, finish 2 projects and a short paper for my online class and participate in 2 online discussions, start packing and getting rid of many of my possessions, apply for my credential, go to a baby shower for a fellow faculty member, have my hair straightened by my students (they're SO excited about, it's hilarious)...among many other things i don't feel like thinking of right now, before i (probably) go to training in new york for the rest of june before i (hopefully) go to china on july 24. driving home tonight was the first chance i've had to think about anything in quite awhile. now i feel lonely, and i'm going to miss people. i think i just need to go to sleep.
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| i carried a 5 month old baby around for 20 minutes after church yesterday and now my arms are sore. apparently i don't use my arms often enough.
i have SO many things to do before school year is over and before my teaching credential is finished:
- grade all homework papers
- plan a few more lessons
- plan review sessions
- create review problems
- create 2 finals
- grade all finals
- finish the last TPA (30 + page writing project about me teaching a lesson)
- complete the last 3 technology assignments for my credential
- take an online CPR class for my credential
- finish all homework for my online masters class (including several small assignments and two larger ones that i haven't even started yet)
it looks like a short list, which makes me feel a little better. but many of the things on the list are very time consuming. but after all that, i will be FREEEEE...to think about moving to china probably, and all the things i need to do to apply for a visa. that seems very free to me compared to now though! i think some hikes are in order when i'm done with that list too. it's been way too long since i've been on a hike.
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| i have news to tell that i had been afraid to talk about much before because i didn't know what was going to happen, and i was afraid of what was going to happen. almost 2 months ago, i was told that my school didn't know if they would be able to hire me for the fall. the reasons are complicated and it has to do with the fact that i'm technically part time and the school is still very small.
2 months ago, even before they told me that actually, i started making a spreadsheet of international schools and which ones had job openings for math teachers and which ones actually paid a salary (i'm paying off student loans and finishing a masters degree as well, so that was important). i think i actually posted that spreadsheet here? maybe. i forget. but just making the spreadsheet and seeing all the opportunities that were out there made me excited about it. i've wanted to teach at an international school for years. i think all throughout high school and college i told people that was something i wanted to do someday. i was always open to other things though, and "someday" could be anytime, and i wasn't in a hurry. for awhile i wasn't even sure that i wanted to be a teacher. but i will have my teaching credential this summer, and now that i'm finished with that part of my program (the rest of my masters can be done online), i could actually go if i wanted to. so i applied to a few schools, just in case, mostly so that i could feel like i would have another option if i didn't end up having a job.
even now my school still isn't able to tell me if i have a job for the fall or not though. but an international school that i applied to in china is in the last stage of the interview process with me and i am the only person applying for the position right now. so it looks like i will be going to china if they offer me the job! i will know for sure in a couple of weeks after the interview process is all finished. it is a K-12 school for expatriate familes and i would be teaching secondary math (middle school and high school). the high school there is about the same size as my current school, so it seemed like a good fit for me since i really enjoy the small school environment. i would live in an apartment building with other teachers, and probably share an apartment with one other teacher. if i do go, it would be a two-year contract.
i'm excited, but also sad about leaving. i decided to tell my students about it since i didn't want to end the school year without being able to say good-bye to them if i didn't have definite news yet. i love my algebra II class--9 wonderful girls. they were so encouraging when i told them about it. some of them were sad, but even they were telling me i should go (which is also what most of my friends have said). and it was so great that they were supportive and interested and even willing to keep in touch with me if i do go. i know that the support of friends i am no longer with and correspondence with them will mean a lot.
today i was remembering what it's like to know that you are leaving a place and not know if you're coming back, if ever. and i was realizing that i actually like this feeling, for several reasons (i know, i must be crazy..). it makes me notice and be thankful for so many things that i normally take for granted--from walking down a certain street, seeing a person smile, doing an activity with someone that i won't be doing anymore after i leave, eating certain food, just to name a few. it makes me feel alive instead of just going through the motions. i like not taking things for granted. and then the freedom of knowing that i'm going to a new place, and that anything could happen. it's like a new beginning. of course, it's not for sure yet, but i remember telling my friends in the teaching credential program over a month ago when i first applied to teach in china that i thought i would be offered a job there, and the question was just what i would end up doing about that opportunity. i also remember that i almost instead said that i thought i would end up in china. so we shall see. this has been a hard past few months for me with so many things up in the air.
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i made this chart of all the different times i've moved in my life. (pinks/oranges/greys are in the US, blues and purples are in japan.) then i was realizing that in my life, i have never had the same "best friend" that i saw continuously for longer than two years, until this year. the best example is probably in 3rd and 4th grade, when i actually lived in the same city as my best friend for two years. the last time i remember really putting the effort into having a best friend and choosing to do that was in 9th grade. then my family moved to the US. in college did i have best friends? not really... i think i deliberately and unconciously put up barriers. being so attached to one person was too risky. i feel doomed to a cycle of loss. i don't know how to get over these fears of intimacy, of rejection, of no one understanding or realizing there is something to try to understand, of being alone. i'm afraid of moving away, and i'm afraid of staying.
sorry if you're getting tired of my depressing posts. i'm just writing it because it needs to be expressed somehow.
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